Sunday, 7 December 2014


Ringo Starr Sells Ranch
LOCATION: Woody Creek, Colo.
PRICE: $3,850,000
SIZE: 3,192 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

Two weeks ago Your Mama dissed and discussed the pretty well palatial, 200-acre-plus English country estate that Ringo has up for sale at an undisclosed price that circumstantial digital evidence suggests is right around £15,000,000. (That’s $23,541,600 as per our handy-dandy currency conversion contraption.) Earlier this week, as we first heard from the eagle-eyed kids at Curbed, the vaunted veteran rock star and his longtime wife, former Bond girl Barbara Bach, hoisted their 15-ish-acre spread along the Roaring Fork river in Woody Creek, Colo., back on the open market with an asking price of $3.85 million.
Our research shows the Starrs picked up their rustic-luxe Colorado mini-ranch, which they dubbed the Shoot N’ Starr ranch according to the wooden sign that hangs on the fence out front, way back in 1991 for $1.164 million. This is not, some of the children may already know, the first time the Starrs have tried to unload their Rocky Mountain retreat; they unsuccessfully had the place on the open market in 2010 for $4.5 million and then again in late 2013 and early 2014 for the (familiar) asking price of $3.85 million.
The equine-accommodating property includes a 3,192-square-foot main residence decked out in all manner of Americana regalia that Curbed accurately if cattily called “kitschy.” There are three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, as per listing details, plus a separate, studio-style caretaker unit. A Mexican paver tiled entry leads to a combination living and dining room with oatmeal-colored wall-to-wall carpeting, a stone-lined arched fireplace and high vaulted ceilings criss-crossed with a version of the rugged wood beams that are almost ubiquitous in a high percentage of the multimillion-dollar homes in and around Aspen. The flooring switches to wood in the adjoining, window-lined family room that looks out over the yard and towards the river.
A row of muscular, tree-trunk beams make a bold and rustic statement in the spacious and well-maintained if outdated kitchen where the blue and white ceramic tile countertops are most certainly custom and have a sort of native American pattern thing happening that — no offense to anyone — this sometimes sassy property gossip is not so keen about as a countertop design. And, children, let’s not even address the wacky wagon wheel “chandelier” over the center island that’s laced with chili lights because just the very idea of it makes Your Mama need a nerve pill in the worst way imaginable.
One guest/family bedroom has multicolored credenza painted in a rather cliché southwestern style and bevy of black and white photographs of what appear to be Native Americans while the other has a clunky television atop a dresser and a bed set — we’re afraid — at a cattywompus angle. In general, Your Mama does not care for furnishings set at funny angles to a room’s geometry but we find the practice particularly objectionable in bedrooms. Just imagine, children, how many times in the middle of the night a person has to reach down and retrieve a pillow that’s fallen in to that sad little triangle between the head of the bed and the corner of the room? Anyhoodles, poodles, clunky boob-tubes and angled bed orientations are really neither here nor there when it comes to the real estate matter at hand so let’s move on and wrap it up, shall we?
A dining and lounging deck off the back of the house looks out over a vast, tree-dotted lawn that slopes gently down to the rocky river’s edge and a charming and perfectly appropriate split-rail fence separates the landscaped areas around the house from a multi-acre horse pasture, so the story goes, the Starrs plan to spend more time in Los Angeles, where our research shows they own a gated mini-estate near the eastern border of Beverly Hills that they scooped up in May 1991 for $3.2 million.

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